Regret
by vampirefalls
Summary: Finally, in a quiet moment in the aftermath of shutting Kai away in the 1903 prison world for good, Bonnie has a moment to reflect. However, her thoughts don't quite lead her in the direction she was hoping... But no matter what, she'll never see him again. There's no way he could escape... Right? Please read and review, would mean the world!
1. Regret

**So this is my first TVD fanfic, I don't own any of the characters ect.**

 **Please read & review, will probably continue! Thank you x**

Chapter 1

It had been a couple of days now, a lot happening in the short time since they'd 'rescued' Lily from the 1903 prison world.  
So much had happened that Bonnie hadn't had much of a chance to think much about her decision to trap Kai there – at the time, she'd just wanted rid of him. By any means possible.

And, with it seemingly impossible to kill him – he evaded death annoyingly well, slipping through its grasp every time he came close – she'd decided trapping him forever with no way out was the next best thing.

So, with fear flooding her every time his name was mentioned, followed by anger, she'd took advantage of his new-found emotions after his merge with Luke and tricked him, stabbed him and left him for dead.

Fear can make the best person do the worst things – although Bonnie, blinded by flashbacks and haunted by nightmares of being stabbed, shot, tied up and chased by Kai, barely thought about her actions. In her opinion, they were justified. And she was probably right. He was the worst of the worst and, to her relief and seemingly everybody else's, she'd managed to finally rid their world of him.

Finally, a lull in the hectic pandemonium that their life had become – Bonnie headed up to their dorm room, throwing open the window and flopping down on her bed, letting her head hit the pillow.

She lay like that for a while, her head barren of thoughts, just enjoying the gentle breeze and the soft murmur of the students of Whitmore College, enjoying the sunshine outside.  
It was this noise that offered Bonnie the most comfort – after months of being almost entirely alone, only ever her and, at most, two others in the whole world – it was euphoric to hear distant sounds of voices, voices she didn't know, strangers, fellow classmates, teachers, anyone.  
It was music to her ears and she couldn't help smiling, caught up in the moment, a feeling of relief washing over her.

As she lay there a little longer, her mind began to wander, once again back to the days she had spent in the 1994 prison world. She couldn't help it, the memories were so fresh in her mind and yet she'd hardly had a chance to think over them, what with being so busy – this was bound to happen.  
And so, she let her mind mull over everything that had happened to her.

A sick feeling began to build in her stomach as she remembered the tension of realising that her and Damon were not alone, the horror of realising who Kai was and what he had done, the feeling of powerlessness whenever he siphoned her magic or used her like a pawn in his games, the pain and fear and utter shock she'd felt when he stabbed her. She should have seen that coming – but he was unpredictable, how was she to know? He had just cooked her 'Thanksgiving dinner' and tried to get her to stay with him, after all.

She rolled onto her side, frowning, unable to stop her train of thought now that it was racing, full steam ahead.  
She _hated_ him. And, to make matters worse, her best friend who _knew_ what Kai was like, what he was capable of, had brought Kai to her after she specifically said that she never wanted to see him again.

To see that face again… Her stomach had dropped and the sounds of the rave around her were muted, muffled due to the anger ringing in her ears. She'd never felt such hatred as she'd felt seeing that face again. It made her sick to see him all puppy dog eyes, bottom lip out, faking apologies. He hadn't changed. She'd seen him act.

Although, hadn't he usually cracked?  
It usually took him a minute or a few seconds of acting nice before he said something slightly unhinged and gave the game away. Bonnie wracked her memories, trying to see if he'd done that at all, a smirk, a twitch of the mouth, anything...

 _What was she doing?!_ Was she seriously trying to make herself believe that Kai was anything more than a sociopathic killer with no remorse or feelings for anyone but himself?

She'd never seen him like that, mind. It was like he genuinely meant what he was saying, a hint of confusion and embarrassment, as if even he didn't quite understand why he was there.

Once again, she kicked herself for subconsciously siding with him.

Likewise, though, when she'd met him to inquire about the whereabouts of the 1903 world ascendant.

There was a moment after she'd told him, quite truthfully, that she'd rather die of cholera than spend an afternoon with him, a few seconds where he looked genuinely hurt and taken aback. There was once again that confused look in his eyes, perhaps confused as to why he was feeling hurt and not understanding how to process his new-found emotions?

She was doing it again. _Why_ did she keep making excuses for him in her own mind? This was stupid. He _stabbed_ her, tortured her both physically and emotionally. She _hated_ him.

And this was precisely why she'd stabbed him in the back. Quite literally.

Admittedly, the sight of him looking at her when they had been left alone to 'find the ascendant' in the 1903 world, snow swirling around them, had made her wonder for a moment, when she saw the way his eyes met hers...  
That sad, pathetic look, a hint of hope for a reconciliation she was absolutely not going to give him, and Bonnie had met his eyes with a determined, hard glare.

Any flicker of doubt she'd started to have, however, was quickly extinguished when Kai had begun to try another apology and – as Bonnie was chanting her spell and therefore, ignoring him – he'd seen red and lost his temper, grabbing her wrist harshly and breaking her concentration.

If she'd had any remorse building up over what she was planning to do, that action had wiped it from her conscience and made up her mind for her.

The feeling of having power over him was equally satisfying and terrifying. Like poking a wasps nest with a stick.  
For that moment, you have the power but it's only a matter of time until they'll chase you and sting you – or in Kai's case, hunt you down and stab you. Probably.

She'd managed to make her way back to Elena and Damon and Lily without any surprise attacks – it was in the last few seconds before they left that she saw him.  
Pathetically calling out her name, his eyes sad, expression wounded and clutching the dark red patches where Bonnie had stabbed him.

She felt empowered and triumphant as she pulled them back to the normal world and a wave of relief washed over her like no other as she realised they'd made it – Kai was trapped forever.

Weird things had happened, though – there were brief moments where she'd think that she'd seen him in a crowd and do a double-take, only for it to be someone who barely looked like him at all.

Whenever she heard a laugh that sounded like his, or saw someone who dressed like he did, she'd turn around, eyes following them – sometimes, almost wishing that they wouldn't turn around so that she could pretend that it was…

 _What was she doing?!_

Bonnie hunched herself up onto her elbows, a frown crossing her face. Why the hell had she been thinking and feeling these things?  
With all the commotion that had happened, she'd barely had a chance to think about anything, let alone what she was feeling. But now, she was _wishing_ that Kai was back?!

Okay, so she was pretending that he was, that didn't mean that she actually wanted him back... But even so, what would possess her? Surely this wasn't a case of Stockholm syndrome?  
She didn't sympathise with him at all, he was a sociopathic murderer and not afraid to admit it. In fact, he very nearly bragged about it.

She ran a hand through her hair. She was in two minds.

Her common sense was telling her she did the right thing, that this guy _stabbed_ her, left her for dead twice and laughed at her pain more times than that.  
He killed his own brothers and sisters in cold blood and wasn't afraid to admit to it. He was unhinged and dangerous.

But this other side, this quiet, subconscious murmur that was growing steadily louder...

What if, when Kai had merged with Luke, he really had developed feelings? It would make sense.  
The apologies, the slight warmth behind the usually sadistic eyes, the absence of him attacking her when he had had every opportunity, especially when they were left alone in 1903…

He'd even told her that he could do it, no one would even hear her scream.  
But he didn't.  
He was testing her trust, thinking that maybe, just maybe he'd won her over. The betrayal, too, in his eyes after she'd stabbed him, the look he'd given her… Fear?  
As her mind wandered over the memories, she felt her heart drop as she remembered that look.

She'd never admit to it, she _couldn't_ admit to it.

But, then again... You can't help who you feel for. And the more Bonnie tried to subdue it, push the thoughts away, the stronger they latched on to each and every memory.

Even the moment he'd thrust the knife into her, yes, she'd felt fear, shock, anger, hatred…

But also betrayal. No matter how much she hated him and hoped that he'd give her the car keys so that she could get away without him – part of her had actually believed that he wanted to spend time with her, that she was even a little bit important to him, even if it was only for the stupid spell.

She hated herself for admitting it and perhaps if it weren't for the merge with Luke, she never would have…

But, as all the feelings she'd suppressed over the past few months began to cascade over her thoughts, as if they'd been cloaked, she felt a sliver of something that she never thought she would.

Regret.


	2. Hesitation

**A/N: Thanks for reading - this chapter is a bit more action-filled.**

 **Please R &R - thanks guys! Much love x**

Chapter 2

Another couple of days had passed and Bonnie's strange feelings had not subsided, much to her annoyance. She'd managed to tuck them away in the corner of her mind, yet the still lingered on in her subconscious, leading to confusing dreams and thoughts.

Despite everything, she had decided to carry on with her plan to destroy the ascendant, after hearing that Kai Parker was not the only thing that would be escaping the prison world if she didn't…  
Seven heretics (part vampire and siphoner witch) were also over there – Lily Salvatore's adopted family.  
And Lily was intent upon freeing them, although no one really wanted seven all-powerful witch-vampires running around.

So, this, along with her own personal hatred of Kai and want for vengeance – is how Bonnie found herself rooting through Lily's belongings, searching the room high and low for the ascendant.

She turned over the room, knowing it was only a matter of time until the Salvatore brother's mother returned home. It didn't take her too long before she found the contraption and held it in her hands, not quite being able to believe her luck. She thought for sure the Lily would've kept the thing that was the key to her being reunited with her family lose by her, or at least protected it better.

It was a few moments before Bonnie realised that she was still hesitating. The ascendant had jolted her out of her reverie, it sent a pain through her body that she'd only felt once or twice before, when the psycho himself had siphoned her magic. She shivered at the memory.

Her instincts told her to get out of there, before Lily returned and she was caught, red-handed. But there was a small, small part of her that wanted to throw the ascendant back into the drawer, close it and walk away, as if nothing had happened, tell everyone that she couldn't find the ascendant and let Lily free the heretics... And possibly Kai.

But – surely, if Kai was free, he'd come straight after Bonnie? Not to apologise this time, but certainly for revenge.  
After all, he was still a sociopathic murderer - true, he might have feelings now but Bonnie had definitely hurt them. And if he acted the way he had before with practically _no_ feelings, goodness knows what he would do _with_ them.

She clutched the ascendant to her chest, determined to push her stupid thoughts out and let her common sense take over, she rushed through the house, towards the front door, pausing briefly once she'd opened it, first checking outside was clear and then inside, to check no one had been watching.

Satisfied that the house was still empty she smiled, pleased with herself, and turned to leave, walking straight into someone.

"Oh, my bad."

Her blood ran cold at the sound of the voice. Her heart beating in her throat, she looked up at the face that belonged to the hands that had gripped tightly her wrists.

Kai grinned, delighting in the fear, shock and disbelief crossing Bonnie's face as she stared at him, unable to speak.

"No words? That's okay, I'll fill the silence." He dragged her back inside by the wrist, slamming the door behind them.

From the moment he'd made contact with her, she'd expected to feel that god-awful feeling of her magic being drained – but it didn't come.

Kai pulled her along the corridor and up a flight of stairs, he seemed to be looking for something...

"Just a quiet room," he sang cheerfully, answering Bonnie's unasked question, "Ah, this'll do."

He shoved her into a bedroom, one Bonnie hadn't been in before, a thick layer of dust covered most of the furniture in the room – clearly no one had stayed in this room for a long, long time. Kai let go of her arm and Bonnie backed far away from him, over the other side of the room, her mind not processing fast enough, too many questions flying round in her head… _How? What was going on? Why? How would she escape?_

Closing the door, he muttered a spell and the lock clicked. A wide smile spread across his face and he beamed at Bonnie, who was frowning – how had he got her magic without her realising?

"Oh, come on. I honestly thought you were sharper than _that_ , Bonnie Bennett."

And it hit her, she closed her eyes, frustrated with herself. She should have been suspicious from the moment she felt that familiar draining feeling – Kai had been cloaked.

"Aaaaaand there we go," he smirked, "Saw you hesitate." He crossed the room towards her, cocking his head, his tone mocking, holding a hand to his heart.

"Were you debating… saving me? Giving me a chance?"

His voice was thick with emotion, although Bonnie could tell from the glint in his eye that he was acting. She didn't answer.

"How sweet. Shame, though, when I took your powers from you, you seemed to remember how much you hate me."

Still no answer from Bonnie, she watched him walk closer, her eyes wide.

"Funny, isn't it. You see, when _I_ feel pain, I remember you, too. From that time you stabbed me –" he gave a chuckle, " – quite literally – in the back. Ouch. And _then_ left me in that prison world, which I really didn't appreciate, by the way. And this was _after_ I'd _tried_ to apologise and make it up to you, saving Damon's precious mommy and all that... So thanks for _that_."

There was barely an inch between them, Bonnie was backed up against the wall. Her heart was beating ferociously in her chest, words caught in her throat, she couldn't seem to be able to take her eyes from Kai's.

He smirked.

"It's really weird, seeing you lost for words. A little unnerving, really…"

"How did you do it?" Bonnie heard the words but didn't realise she'd spoken them, her voice sounded a lot stronger than she felt. Kai grinned.

"She speaks! For a moment there, I was pretty sure I'd taken your voice along with your magic, like uh-oh, that would be totally disastrous –"

"Shut _up_ and tell me how you did it, Kai." She gritted her teeth, hating him but hating herself for showing weakness.

Kai held his hands up in mock surrender.

"Whoa, okay, okay… I must admit, um," he looked down, as if embarrassed – but Bonnie knew better. "I used your little trick... The rock full of Bennett blood? Yeah, it was a trek and a half but, like, I had help." His grin widened.

Bonnie heart sunk.

"The heretics."

"Yeah! Well, I think so. That what they're called? Yeah, I think I do remember them mentioning something like that. Part vampire and part, well, partly like me – so that was cool."

Kai was still standing close to Bonnie, so close that she had no way of darting around him to attempt escape. She determinedly looked up, staring him straight in the eye, refusing to be intimidated.

Oh, but she was.

"What do you want with me? You've got your freedom." Kai raised his eyebrows.

"Oh, no, Bonnie. I already _had_ my freedom. The only reason I had to seek it again was because of you. I mean, I even tried to apologise – more than once, if you remember. Even as you were setting up to lock me in that prison world – which was _freezing_ , by the way, at least it was warm in 1994 – so, I guess… Huh… I haven't really decided what I want from you. But, I bet none of your friends know where you are, so… Looks like I've got all the time in the world." He finished his little monologue with a smile, looking quite pleased with himself.

"Until Damon or Stephan gets home and rip your head off. Or Lily."

"True, true… Although I don't think momma Salvatore would really be on your side, Bonnie. I mean, I dunno I'm new to all these high emotional states and all, but I don't think be best buddies with someone who'd just tried to rob me."

Bonnie let herself fall back against the wall. She was stuck. She was, if she knew Kai, probably going to die in this room. She was well aware of what he was capable of.

"You stabbed me."

"Um, are we forgetting you killed me first? That really hurt, by the way. And once I acquired these new, weird feeling-things, it hurt me emotionally."

He put a hand over his heart in mock-sadness, then frowned, as if a thought had crossed his mind…

"Although, then I killed you _twice_ , I suppose. Although I knew you'd come back to life. Then you locked me in the prison world… So, I guess we _would_ be even, but I'm gonna take a guess here and say that you thought both your decisions were final?"

He grinned at her, letting out another chuckle...

And then his face fell, any hint of humour gone, suddenly deadly serious. His hand gripped her arm with a vice-like hold. Bonnie winced slightly.

"You see, that hurt me, Bon. Like, really. I have feelings now. I told you I was a better person and I _was_. But, uh oh, did you hear that past tense?"

"Stop playing around Kai. Let me go. I got my revenge, you escaped. Why don't you show me that you _are_ a good person and let. Me. _Go_."

Kai considered her for a moment.

"I don't think you're quite getting my point, Bonnie. I cared about you enough to sort of throw my pride away by apologising to you – and you tricked me and threw it back in my face."

Any hint of joking around was gone now, Kai had that look on his face that Bonnie had only seen once or twice before. He was seriously pissed off.

"And, as I said, your decisions were final, you really thought you'd never see me again –"

" _You left me in 1994!_ " Bonnie burst out, causing Kai's eyebrows to travel up his forehead once again, " _You_ thought _that_ was final!"

Kai nodded, thinking for a moment.

"Yeah, but it's not like I wanted to. You gave me no choice."

Bonnie looked at him questioningly.

"You didn't!" he insisted, loosening his grip on her arm as he carried on. "You would never have brought me back to this world if I was a threat. I had to go alone."

He paused for a moment, as if unsure whether to say what he said next…

"It's not like I didn't want to see you again. I was, like, really happy when you came back. I even kinda regretted leaving you… Like, I could've brought you back unconscious… But it was one of those 'just-in-case' things... You know?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes.

"Whatever."

She tried to leave, but Kai's grip on her arm tightened and he pushed her back.

"No, don't. Just wait. Please. Hear me out. I just wanna let you know that I really am a different person –"

Bonnie looked at him, disbelief evident across her face.

"No, no, don't look at me like that, I mean it. I mean, yeah, you were right, the 'old me' is still in here but he – I – I've got real feelings now. And you kinda hurt them."

"Just leave me alone, Kai." Bonnie shook her head, pushing past him.

" _Wait!_ " he sounded desperate now, Bonnie turned, half way across the room, looking at him. His expression had changed, much like his tone of voice, he looked like a lost puppy – sad, dejected, pathetic.

"You can't tell me you didn't think about me. I saw you hesitate."

"What?"

"With the ascendant. I saw you hesitate."

A thick silence filled the room, Bonnie was frozen to the spot, seemingly unable to move a muscle, afraid any movement would give her away.

Kai moved slowly towards her, until they were close enough for him to whisper in her ear.

"I couldn't stop thinking of revenge," his breath tickled her. She held her breath, still rigid. "Of all the things I would do to you. Horrible stuff, really. But then I saw you hesitate..."

She pushed him away, finding her strength.

"Leave me alone, Kai."

"You didn't let me finish, I –"

Bonnie exploded, her rage pouring out of her, suddenly finding her voice.

"I don't _care_ , I don't think you get it. I _hate_ you."

She squared up to him, meeting his gaze, their noses inches away from each other.

"Prove it."  
And Kai leant forward, catching her lips in his own.


End file.
